The Dangerous Old Woman

We are each born with two forces that give us every lens we need to see who we really are: the wild and ever-young force of imagination that contains intuition and instinct, and the wise elder force of knowledge that holds boundaries and carries the heart of the visionary.  ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estés

 

 

After hearing Mary Ann Macklin’s recent deeply touching message based on Clarissa Pinkola Estés’ audiobook “The Dangerous Old Woman”, I had the realization that I was born a Dangerous Old Woman. And that is why I scared the shit out of my mother. In her own psychic way, I think she sensed early on that I was never going to morph into the being she wanted me to be. I looked and acted so much like my dad, that I think she could see nothing of herself in me. This created what turned out to be (in her mind) an irreparable rift between us.

She wanted me to be a little lady, a life-size version of a baby doll, with no opinions, no sense of style, or dreams of her own. I had absolutely no interest in that kind of life’s path, but was born with a job and that job was to make my mother look good. I was not an openly rebellious daughter. I was a good student, rarely got into trouble at school, but I tried to break out of her mold whenever possible. I was a tomboy with little interest in dolls or girly things. I didn’t play house with my girl cousins. We played office. We managed things. We were in charge. And we liked it that way. I played ball, rode my bike, swam, ran, and jumped all over creation on my pogo stick.

If you are not free to be who you are, you are not free.  ~Clarissa Pinkola Estés

I resonate strongly with this quote. The freedom to feel different has always been important to me. My mother saw my personal freedom as a real threat to her, a criticism of how she led her life, which was never straight forward, but through passive aggressive manipulation. She was an excellent role model for that behavior and it took me a long time and a lot of professional help to operate in a different way in the world, a way of healthy boundaries, to stop people pleasing, to say no without explaining, to say no without fearing the consequences. To live an honest life in which I trusted myself, that my instincts were good.

At a very young age I realized that I had strong psychic abilities, that I knew things without really knowing how I knew them. The veil was always very thin for me. The other side is always there for me. I feel it. Hear it. Sense it. This has always been a comfort to me. Even when I’m alone I feel supported, held. I’m sure that has helped me to follow my own path and stay true to my heart’s desires.

Rebekah Spivey

January 2018

 

Artwork by Wendy Andrew

Dogyote Jabberwocky

 

 

 

 

Coyodelers  in the early evening
Yipflapping at each other
“Oh solome, Oh aloneme,
I am so furlone !”
The dogousins reply
Answering in longing dogsobs
“We heare, come set us free
So we can fleeway
From our manasters
Who pentie us to their houlses
And call us their ‘best friends’.”
Caninetimes I hear them
And am tempted to
Shed my own humafur
And run
With them.

Bev Hartford